


This is what makes us

by Bluepinky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cheating, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, I love Natasha and Peggy together, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Underage Drug Use, i'll write warnings on beginning of each chapter if necessary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2018-09-12 05:11:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9056866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluepinky/pseuds/Bluepinky
Summary: They were just  kids really. Bunch of 18 years olds who felt like they owned the world. Like their little group was all they’ll ever need. Like they would never die. For a moment they even thought nothing can hurt them. Then they realized, nothing will ever hurt them like they hurt each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens, when I listen to Lana Del Rey.  
> English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes.

Natasha was on her way to school. Her backpack strapped on her right shoulder as she was trying to find her phone in it. She usually carried it in her jean pocket, but she decided, that in the celebration of the first warm day this year, she could wear her favourite black skirt. Without pockets of course. And she overslept and completely forgot her headphones. And her fucking car did not start. It wouldn’t surprise he if the old hag, she had her first period with, would come up with some “fun little pop quiz”. 

 “Well, well, well, isn’t that my favourite red head?” A limousine slowed down next to her and a head of one Tony Stark peered from the window.

Natasha rolled her eyes and continued walking. “You better not say that in front of Pepper.”

“Pepper knows me. She knows my limits and knows I have none for girls. Just get in and I’ll take you to school, Romanoff,” Tony looked up at her through his shades. Natasha had every intention to keep walking, but the school was not getting any closer and she was pretty sure a weird looking guy was following her for the past 20 minutes. So she stopped.

The limousine came to a halt next to her, making Tony bounce and her smile. Tony opened the door for her. Natasha waited for him to move away from the doors, but that was not happening. 

“You are awful,” she commented as she climbed over him to the car.

“You love it,” he closed the door and they were moving.

She’s been in this limousine countless times, but the bright purple and red lights always caught her off guard. It was like stepping into another world. Tony’s world, which most of the time was fun, but sometimes it was life of death situations.

“Something to drink?” he picked up a bottle of bourbon. Of course that would be his way of making her comfortable.

“It’s 8 in the morning, Tony,” she reminded him. 

“Of course. How stupid of me. Something to smoke perhaps?” he took out a joint from his school jacket. Tony lately had the best weed. And the best ecstasy. And the best coke. She had no idea where he took all the stuff, but she also never bothered to ask.

“That’s more like it.” Tony seemed excited, when she took the joint from him along with the lighter. She put it between her lips, eyeing Tony, who made himself more comfortable.

“You know, Romanoff, I’ve always wondered,” he spread his legs and took off his sunglasses. Natasha waited for him to continue as she puffed out a cloud of smoke. “If your lips so good around that,” he waved his hand at her, meaning the blunt. “The view of you with cock between them, must be mind blowing.”

Natasha knew she was only half serious. He was trying to put her on edge, his lame attempt to make her embarrassed. What he didn’t realize was, that Natasha has dealt with comments like that since she was 14 and her body changed over night. 

“You have no idea,” she answered easily, winking at him.

“You are a tough one to crack, aren’t you?” He laughed, taking the joint from her hand.

“Bigger man than you tried, love,” she patted his knee, “so don’t take it personally.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them and for a moment Tony looked almost sorry for the comment, but then he put on his cool face again. That was all Natasha needed to know, he actually was sorry.

Tony was not a bad guy. Narcissistic and with no filter, sure. But people close to him, like Natasha, knew not to take him seriously most of the time. The moment he got real, they knew something was wrong. It was just a few steps from him lashing out. Disappearing for couple of days and drowning everything in alcohol, drugs and whores in some flat in Brooklyn, where he wouldn’t see sun until it was all over. It did not happen for almost 7 months now and on one side everyone was happy it didn’t. On the other side Natasha was scared. What if he was just pushing everything down and it would all blew up in their faces? It scared her to no end, but she was not gonna comment. 

By the time they arrived to school, they were both... what is the right word. Soft? Uhm, Natasha did feel soft. And they couldn’t stop giggling. Good weed indeed.

“Are you two serious?” Steve caught them by the gate, giving them his disapproving look. Making Natasha laugh even more.

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Rogers.” Tony adjusted his shades with straight face.

“C’mon Steve, it’s not like you’ve never got high before school,” Natasha shook her head. Like she was just gonna stand there and take shit from someone who practically introduced them to weed.

“I-I did, but I was like 14 and fucking stupid. I can’t let you go like this to the school. You both reek of that shit,” Steve caught both of theirs biceps and led them away.

“I have french, Rogers,” Natasha protested, but she honestly couldn’t care less. She just thought it would make Steve less angry if she pretended she did.

“I bet you know everything important, when it comes to french.” Tony commented, making Steve squeeze his arm even more.

“You two are fucking unbelievable.” 

With that Natasha decided it was wise to shut up, before the veins on Steve’s biceps pop.

Of course Steve was the person so save Natasha from herself. She did not have the means to get out of trouble the way Tony did. 

Steve used to be wildest of them. Drinking like a true Russian for a two days straight was no problem for him. It would not be now, but they all knew why he changed the way he did. It was not ‘growing up’ kinda thing. It was ‘my mother died and now I have to live with an ex-army, violent piece of shit dad’ kinda thing. Over night Steve couldn’t go out with them, he had to get all his grades to Bs before he was even allowed to have his phone back. His father’s discipline imprinted on Steve, because there was no other way. Not if he didn’t want to get beat up. Not that he ever complained, but Natasha was observant enough to know when it happened. It didn’t happen as often now as it did a year ago, thankfully. It didn’t mean Natasha was not trying to come up with a plan to make his father suffer. Badly.

“Where are you taking us?” Natasha looked up at Steve, who just smiled down at her. She will never stop wondering, how can someone who’s been through so much, could look and  _be_  so gentle. Maybe not in this particular moment, but that was one his tells. Last night was probably intense at Rogers’ household.

“Breakfast I hope. I’m starting to get the munchies,” Tony mumbled under his breath. 

Steve released Tony’s and Natasha’s arms, but kept Natasha close to him, with his arm around her shoulders. Another tell of his. Craving closeness. 

“You should go to school, Steve,” Natasha stopped, with a hand on Steve’s chest. His eyes looked down on her, confused. “We’ll go get some waffles and be back in school for our second period.”

“Or third.” Tony unhelpfully chipped in, earning a death glare form both Steve and Natasha.

“ **SECOND**  period. Promise,” she assured Steve with a kiss on his cheek.

“You sure, you’re going to be okay with...?” Steve’s head jerked in the direction where Tony was standing.

Natasha smiled fondly at him, “are you kidding? Tony Stark is no match for me. Now go or you’ll be late,” she gently pushed at his shoulders to get him moving. It didn’t go unnoticed by her, the way his face scrunched in pain just for a split second. 

“Okay, but find me, when you get to school, okay?” Steve was walking backwards, watching them nodding furiously before turning and sprinting to school.

“So, waffles ms. Romanoff?” Tony offered his arm Natasha accepted with a little smile. 

 

The walk to their favourite little spot, was filled with chatter and gossip, as it always been with Natasha and Tony. When they sat down on the bright blue leather seats by the window, Natasha was well starved.

 A young looking woman with black hair in a ponytail and circles under her eyes approached their table. She looked hungover and completely ignorant to their presence. Until she noticed, that it was Tony Stark sitting by her table of course. “What’s it gonna be?” She smiled sweetly, standing straighter and thrusting out her breast. Tony’s eyes sparkled and Natasha put her head in her hands.

“How about 6 waffles for each of us. Lot’s of vanilla ice cream and tons of chocolate sirup with extra sugar for her and chocolate ice cream for me. Also the two biggest mugs of coffee you can find. Oh, and some raspberries and banana on her waffles.” Natasha looked through her fingers at Tony, who was still staring at the waitress. She had to admit, she was kinda impressed, that he knew, how she liked her waffles.

“What?” Tony asked, when the waitress left and his attention was back on Natasha.

“Nothing,” she shook her head and looked out the window.

“I guess Steve had a rough night.” He spoke again as matter of factly, watching Natasha with corner of his eyes as he put his sunglasses on the table. Natasha  opened her mouth to speak, but before she had the chance, someone sat down next to her. Making her move with bump of his shoulders.

“Well, hello there, beautiful.” He was so close, she felt his breath on her neck. She could feel his eyes boring into her, waiting for a reaction.

“What? I hope for your health, you meant Tony.” She finally gave in and turned her head to face him.

“Oh no, you leave me out of your fucked whatever.” Tony waved his hand, making Natasha roll her eyes.

“My health?” James’ rumbling laugh, made her cold to the bones. “I’m not the one fucking  Rumlow ,” he patted her naked thigh, squeezing it in the process. “I hope you’re using protection, Nat. I know how much you hate it.” James stood up just as a waitress came with their food, flashing her one of his bright smiles. 

The fucking nerves on this guy. She wanted to grab him by his hair and smash his head against the table. Or slap that fucking smirk off his face, but she decided long time ago, that she was done dirtying her hands with him. Also she knew James better, than he thought. He hated Rumlow since freshman year, because it was obvious he had a crush on Natasha and never missed an opportunity to try to flirt with her. And the one time, she made out with Rumlow, (when she and James were on their 4th break) and James headbutted him, breaking Rumlow’s nose? He was just jealous and it made Natasha grin inside.

“Keeping tabs on me, James? Little pathetic even for you.” Natasha chuckled with disgust and turned her eyes to her plate. Feeling a little dizzy, Natasha took a huge bite of her waffle.

“Anyway, I’m expecting your call, Stark. And you,” she turned to Natasha, who didn’t bother to look up. “You’re drop dead gorgeous as always, Natalia,” and with that, he was gone again.

“I wish you’d drop dead. Pathetic son of a bitch.” Natasha dropped her fork, almost breaking the plate, when the door closed behind him.

Tony jumped in his seat, startled by the loud sound, but kept quiet. Natasha could see, he was not sure if he should console her and risk being punched, or change the subject. Natasha knew exactly how get him out of the misery.

“Since when are you and that piece of shit buddies?” Natasha eyed Tony. Sure they knew each other, hung out together. After all  James was a part of their little group, but Tony was never fond of Bucky. And she and Buck did not break up that long ago for Bucky to have a change of heart about Tony either. 

“We’re not ‘buddies’, Romanoff,” Tony sounded so offended, it made Natasha feel a little better.  “We-we do business.” Natasha stared at Tony, before bursting into laughter. 

“James and business? Yeah, right. What kind of busin...” Natasha trailed off, freezing on the spot. Suddenly she was completely sobered up. Staring at Tony, who anxiously played with his food, with her mouth open. 

“You gotta be kidding me. That fucking idiot,” Natasha said finally, mostly to herself, but loud enough for Tony to hear.

“What’s the problem, Nat? I mean, c’mon-”

Nat? Nat?! He only called her by her name, when he was feeling guilty.

“How long?” Natasha cut him off.

“I don’t know how long, Nat. What does it matter anyway. It’s not like he’s concern of yours anymore. That guy cheated you for almost two years and look at you. You still care for him, don't you? You were nothing but a prize to him.” Natasha was not gonna argue, that he was not right. He was and they both knew it. Well, she had no idea about _his_ prize, but Tony was trying to get her off topic, otherwise he’d never throw  _that_ in her face.  Being Tony Stark’s friend was never easy.

“How fucking long, Stark?” He looked around, just so he didn’t have to face her, but Natasha didn’t move an inch. She didn’t push him, because she knew, Tony was gonna cave in the end.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Tony surrendered and finally look at her. “About 5 months.”

All of a sudden she lost her appetite. Five fucking months?! She and James broke about 3 moths ago. He was selling drugs for 2 months of their relationship and she did not notice? It happened right under her nose. She had no idea who she was mad at more. Herself, for  not noticing. Tony for buying drugs from her boyfri... ex-boyfriend behind her back or James. 

Who she was kidding. It was James. That lying, cheating son of a bitch. Was he himself on drugs? He smoked a little pot every now and then, but hard drugs? She would notice  _that_ , right? Well, apparently she would not. How stupid can one person be? Selling cocaine? Ecstasy? James was always trouble, but this was a whole another level. 

“Look, Natasha, you can’t tell him I told you, you understand? I kinda need that stuff.” Natasha just nodded stiffly, because she couldn’t find any words.

“You need anything else?” Natasha looked up from her plate at the waitress, who was completely unaware of the heaviness around them. Natasha noticed, she put on some make up under her eyes and bright red lipstick.

“Just the check, thanks,” Tony answered, without looking away from Natasha.

Tony silently payed for both of them. “Hoping to see you soon,” the waitress tried one last time to catch his attention, but Natasha knew, she was not his type. He flirted, sure, but he’d never call her or even tried to get her number.

“Natasha,” Tony begun as the waitress left.

“We should get going.” Natasha stood up and without waiting for Tony to react, left.


	2. Chapter 2

Natasha’s hips were just barely swaying to the sound of guitar, when a familiar hand landed on her side. She didn’t have to turn to know it was James. She just smiled and let him move with her. He put a glass of vodka in her hand and without further prompting, Natasha took it like a champ in one go. She felt more than heard James laugh behind her, his chest rumbling with it. With one swift move he turned her around to face him, planting a chaste kiss on her lips. The taste of whiskey and cigarettes made her more dizzy than any vodka could. His short hair were slicked back, making his jaw more visible than usually and he was wearing plain black t shirt and jeans.

“How is my girl doing?” His hand moved from her hips to her lower back until his fingers were hooked in the loop of her jeans. Natasha was maybe drunk, but not drunk enough to let the fucker play her like that.

“I don’t know,” Natasha drunkenly smiled up at him, “which one do you mean?” He set his jaw as he chuckled.

“You're my only girl, Natalia.” His left hand cupped her chin, his fingers on her cheeks, squeezing gently. Natasha laughed as much as his fingers allowed. They might not be together anymore, but she had more power over him now, then she had for the 2 years the were dating.

Natasha’s fingers wrapped around his left wrist, tugging. It only made his grip on her tighter, but she did not care. He got annoyed by her laughing and with a push released her. Natasha stumbled just a little.

Natasha laughed at him as Clint and Peggy came to see what was going on. “You think I’m yours? Now? After all you’ve done?” Natasha got into his face, even rising on her tiptoes. His fist clenching and unclenching on his side. “You fucking touch me with those dirty hands of yours again and I’ll cut your dick off. Your girl?! Who the fuck you think you are, you pathetic piece of cheating shit.” Clint took Natasha by her shoulders, trying to get her out. “Just fucking leave me alone, James. What more do you want from me?” Natasha was yelling as Clint, with help from Peggy got her out of the bar. The last thing she saw was Bucky smashing the glass, she drunk her vodka from, against the wall and some girl, she’s never seen before, trying to calm him down.

“I’m okay, Clint, let me go,” Natasha said as calmly as she could at that moment. Clint waited a few more seconds, but when Peggy nodded at him, he released Natasha.

“What the bloody hell was that about?” Peggy’s red lipstick was slightly smeared. She was angry with Natasha. She was always angry with her when it came to James.

“Nothing,” Natasha answered walking away from the bar. Clint and Peggy were instantly by her side. Clint offered her a cigarette, that Natasha gladly took.

Clint was a good friend with Barnes, but Natasha was higher on the list. She and Clint grew up together, living just a few houses away from each other. Still, he was like a child torn between parents that went through pretty nasty divorce. Natasha would never hold it against Clint. He was not part of the relationship nor the problem, but there was still time, when Clint would apologize to Natasha over and over again (James did not apologize once), but Clint had no idea about Bucky cheating. Not the first time and not the 10th time.

“Go back, Clint,” Natasha nudged his shoulder, using her last strength to smile. “I saw you with Bobbi and she probably needs you more than I do.” Clint was looking at her, waiting for her to finish her lame joke. Sometimes it was scary how good he knew her.

“She needs that dick,” Natasha hooted finally. Peggy laughed along with her, but Clint only smiled.

“Yeah, I guess. Just be careful you two, okay?” Clint kissed her forehead. He knew Natasha just needed a little girl talk and he would only be in the way. And she was about to curse Bucky to hell and back and didn’t want Clint to listen to it, even though he never minded it.

When Clint was gone and it was just her and Peggy, Natasha gently took Peggy's face between her hands and cleaned the smeared lipstick with her thumb.

“It really bothered me,” Natasha smiled.

“Well, have to say for a moment there, I thought Barnes finally fucked up so hard, you decided to go for girls instead.” Peggy chuckled, but Natasha saw the little gesture left her flushed. She actually thought, Natasha was going to kiss her. Not that it never occurred to her, but she was already dating Steve.

“I was into girls before I even knew him,” Natasha winked at her and started walking again.

The streets were empty, only a bunch of boys huddled outside the liquor store.

“Hello, ladies” “Where are you going, beautiful?” “Wanna party with us?” “Come on, smile for me”

Both Natasha and Peggy knew not to pay them any mind and just keep walking. They pressed closer to each other in case the douchebags decided yelling at them was not enough.

“I fucking hate this,” Natasha said when they were a safe distance from them.

“Not being able to go anywhere because of Barnes? Or the catcalling?” Peggy raised an eyebrow. She knew what Natasha meant, she just wanted to dodge all the bullshit and get to the point . One of the things why Peggy and Natasha were so close.

“Both,” she admitted. It was true. Whenever she went sooner or later he’d showed up. Watching her. Licking his lip in the corner as she danced. What was even weirder, Natasha liked it. For a moment she always forgot about all the horrible things they did to each other. It was just him and his James Dean coolness, that made her fall in love with him in the first place. Hardly ever did he not fuck it up. Making stupid comments like “You’re my girl, Natalia.” She hated the shivers her names on his lips sent through her body. She hated that she secretly loved, when he called her my girl. Even now. That was the reason she got so angry at him back at the bar. She may hold some power over him, but it’ll never be the same as the power he holds over her.

And Natasha told all that to Peggy while sitting on a bench near her house. Her mascara running down her eyes by the time she was done. Peggy had one hand over her shoulders while the other one was violently clutching Natasha’s hand, but she did not flinch. She liked it, needed it. Natasha expected Peggy to start lecturing her, but Peggy was just sitting quietly next to her, letting Natasha sob.

“Do you think I’m stupid?” Natasha asked, not daring to look up.

“Yes, I do,” Natasha was not taken aback by her answer. It didn’t hurt her. “And so am I. And so is Pepper and Steve and so is Barnes. I know the last one is not much of a surprise, but I honestly think he’s dealing with your break up worse than he let on. He acts up, trying to get your attention even if it is in a form of yelling and hatred.”

This time Natasha looked up, wiping her nose with the back of her hand and sniffled. Was it wrong for her to feel a tiny bit better?

“Look, you know how I hate that fuckwit, but he was pretty fucked up, when you two broke up. I-I....” Peggy looked at their shoes, like she was deciding wether or not to continue. Natasha just watched her in silence, she wouldn’t get it out of her anyway.

“It was few weeks after it happened, maybe something over a month,” her eyes were still glued on the ground, when she continued. “I-I came over to Steve’s and he was already there. They were sitting in his room and Bucky was.... well, first of all he looked... high? But I’m pretty sure it wasn’t from weed. He was so pale and sweating his ass off. And he was... I don’t know if calling it crying is the right word. There were a few tears and then Steve let him use his bed, to sleep it off and he was bambling about being sorry and your name and that Steve have to help him...” Peggy had to notice the obvious question on Natasha’s face and she shook her head.

“I was trying to get it from Steve, but you know how these two are.”

Yep, Natasha knew how they were. Closer than brothers, closer than she and Clint, if that was even possible. Still it left Natasha wondering. Did Steve knew about Bucky selling drugs? Did Bucky get into some kind of trouble and needed help? Is he still in trouble?

“What is it?” Peggy asked, when Natasha zoomed out. Natasha weighed in if she should tell her. She should know, in case Steve got somehow involved, even if it would be just to help Bucky, and she was sure Peggy would not do anything irrational. She wouldn’t storm into Steve house and demand answers, but she’d keep a close eye on Steve. And so Natasha told her. She told her about the breakfast with Tony almost a month ago.

Peggy just stared at her. Her doe eyes filled with fear and Natasha immediately regretted telling her.

“Peg, it doesn’t mean Steve is involv...”

“No. No, I know he is not, he wouldn’t be able to keep that a secret if he wanted to.” That was fair. Steve had to be the worst person in keeping secrets. Not that he’d just go around telling everyone about your business, but his own? It was like reading a book.

“I just can’t believe Bucky would get involved in something like... like that. I shouldn’t be surprised, but my God!” Natasha’s never seen Peggy so... speechless. She was not even blinking.

“Do you think Bucky telling Steve he needed his help... do you think it had something to do with it?” Natasha’s voice was almost a whisper.

“I-I don’t know. I don’t think so. I always thought it was about getting you back.” This time it was Natasha’s turn to be speechless. That possibility didn’t occur to her. That was bullshit, right? Bucky asking Steve for help with girls? Unlikely. Sure, Steve looked like a greek God, but his flirting was a serious problem. And his whole attitude toward girls was a serious problem. If Peggy did not get fed up with waiting and didn’t do the first step, Steve would be crushing on her from afar ‘till this day.

“I think we should go get some sleep, Nat.” Peggy’s voice was soft and Natasha got up from the bench. She did not realize it was so cold until now.

Just when Natasha lied down on her bed right next to Peggy her phone buzzed.

It was Clint, who sent her a text

_She did need that dick!_

With picture of him lying shirtless on his bed, with sleeping Bobbi next to him. Natasha fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

 

Buzzing of her phone woke her up the next morning. Peggy was still sleeping, so Natasha quickly grabbed it and trod on her toes into the bathroom, before even looking who was calling.

“Hey, Tony.”

“Morning, Romanoff... Heard you had quite the night. I’m almost sorry I didn’t get an invite.” So he heard what happened with Bucky. He just had no idea why.

“Don’t worry, Stark. This one did not concern you,” Natasha was sleepy and this was not something she wanted to start her day with.

“Really? I’m sure my name had to come up at least once. you know it’s a bad luck if it doesn’t.” Natasha actually scoffed at that, rolling her eyes.

“You know, now that I’m talking about it... I said something like cheating piece of shit, so I think I’m gonna be fine.”

“And with that I’m out. Stay hydrated. Vodka doesn’t count.” All Natasha heard after that was low beeping.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all flashback and everyone is around 15-16.

Natasha was sitting by a pool in her deep green bikini. It was the beginning of April and the nights were still cold, but here, in Tony’s indoor pool, they could enjoy a little fun in the water. Bucky with Sam and Clint were jumping off the side of the pool. Laughing, teasing and trying to up each other. Natasha was watching them with a soft smile, sipping her wine with Peggy. Barnes noticed her staring at them and sent a wink her way.

James Buchanan Barnes. The new boy with slicked back hair - that were currently slapped all over his face - and eyes so blue almost all the girls from their school fell for him in matter of days. Was Natasha an exception? No. She had her claws in him since day one. They did not even kiss yet and she knew he did more than kiss a few other girls from school, but she was patient. There was no rush and the constant flirting, light touching, teasing was enough for now. She just had to let him have a little fun before she claimed him.

 Tony was was sitting with Pepper, away from anyone else, in a whirlpool with a bottle of wine and just enjoying each other’s company. Natasha was happy to see them so calm, laughing, exchanging a little kiss here and there. Maybe they just had a good day and maybe they had no idea anyone was looking at them. It felt so intimate Natasha felt her cheeks burning.

“Oh God, look!” Peggy elbowed Natasha right between her ribs.

“Ow, what the fuck?” Natasha shoved the brunette in retaliation, but it had no effect. She quickly realized why. One Steve Rogers just walked out of a bathroom in the tiniest navy speedos with american flag on the side Natasha’s ever seen. He was crouching and trying to cover himself with hands in front of his junk. Like that was gonna help to hide the huge bulge.

Before Natasha had a chance to react, Tony along with all the boys started laughing uncontrollably.

“Didn’t you forget a top to the bikinis, man?”  Sam howled with laughter.

“Shut up, man. My mom bought ‘em  for me--”

“Does she buy your panties too?” Bucky contributed.

  “N-no. Shut up! I didn’t have time to go shopping and she said, she saw some famous guys in those.”

“Who? Burt Reynolds?” Clint chipped in, making Natasha laugh. 

They were like 10, when they found out the old photo of Burt. The one where he’s lying naked on the fur? They studied it for hours, trying to figure out if Clint was gonna look like that when he grows up. Clint cried about it for a week.

“Well, **_I_** think it took a lot of _balls_ for Steve to show up in them.” Natasha was physically unable to keep the awful joke inside. 

“You know what, Romanoff...” Steve send a genuine look her way, corners of his mouth quirking up.

“And I think, by the looks of it, Steve has more balls than all of you combined,” Peggy got up from her spot next to Natasha and, with a sway in her hips, made her way to Steve.

“ _Damn girl_ , go get your balls.” Natasha yelled after her, making Steve trip over his own two feet.

“Lame as ever.” 

Natasha looked over at Clint, who sat next to her. In sunglasses, because ‘It’s a pool party, Tasha. Shut up’. She had no idea what it was suppose to mean, because again- they were indoors. He just probably wanted to be able to ogle all the girls without getting caught.

“I’m just glad Burt Reynolds doesn’t make you cry anymore,” Natasha said with fake concern in her voice.  

“Awww were you scared of old hairy man?” Sam, who just swam to them, teased, splashing both of them with water. Natasha giggled, kicking her feet to splash him too.

“I’m still scared of old hairy man, man,” Clint jumped into the pool trying to get Sam’s head under water, but Sam was a little bigger than him and it turned into a full water fight.

“Hey, Red,” Bucky swam to her, crossing his arms over her thighs and resting his chin on them.

Game on.

“Hello, James,” she smiled down at him. Her fingers played with the hair, that was covering his face, before she smoothed them back, using her nails to scrape his skull as she did. She could almost hear him purr.

“C’mon, Nat. It’s Bucky,” he looked up at her, annoyed by the fact that she still refused to call him that, no matter how many times he corrected her. 

“But I like James so much better. It rolls so nicely off the tongue,” she pouted and leaned down to him. “James,” she whispered breathlessly into his ear and sat up again. He shivered, looking up at her smug face with blown eyes.

“You got a point there,” he quickly found his composure again and smirked. “You having any plans tonight?”

“Depends. Have anything better in mind then hanging with these dorks?” Natasha looked around to find Tony and Pepper in full make out mode. Clint and Sam on the other hand were sitting on plastic chairs with Peggy and Steve standing over them, exchanging a joint. Natasha had to smile to herself. Peggy looked so small compered to Steve, yet so much stronger than him. 

“Believe me, Red. I have plans for you.” He hold her gaze with so much promise, Natasha felt electricity run through her body. She nodded and without another word got up, waiting for him to get out of the pool. Without exchanging any word they quietly took all their clothes and without any noticing they left. Well, they probably noticed, they just didn’t comment on it.

Natasha felt James watching her as she put on her clothes and got rid of her bikini top from under her shirt. It was Stark’s living room and it was as fancy as you’d expect. They both looked so out of place in their ripped jeans, his jean jacket and her plaid shirt around her waist. It was all mahogany and red overlay with golden details.  

When he straightened up and looked at her, Natasha felt a nervousness creep up her body because he was not moving.

Natasha smiled, reassuring herself and probably even him, because in that instant he was right in front of her, taking her hand into his. They just stood there for a moment, Natasha’s quick breathing causing her chest to bump into his.

“You ready, red?” he asked, squeezing her palm in his, while his other hand slid into her hair on the back of her head.

“Always,” she answered as confidently as she could muster, but her voice was shaking with anticipation. He looked at her lips, then back at her eyes and her lips again. In that moment Natasha’s hands moved on their own accord into his hair, forcing him to tilt his head until her lips were pressed against his.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback 2 this happened just a few months before the first chapter so everyone is already 18.

“I love you,” he smiled into the kiss. Peggy along with Pepper and Darcy caught Natasha’s arms and tried to steal her. James was still pressing her against his chest with arm around her waist, biting her lip as a good bye.

“Love you too,” she smiled, her cheeks flushed as he released her.

“God, you two are disgusting,” Darcy commented as Natasha turned around for the last time, winking at Bucky.

They left the school together and went straight to Natasha’s to have a little girl fun on her birthday before the boys joined in.

“You think this is disgusting?” Pepper laughed. “I once caught them in Mr. and Mrs. Stark’s bedroom going at it. That was disgusting. Have to admit, tho, Buck has a great ass.”

“What? Tony’s parents?” Darcy, laughed, patting Natasha’s shoulder proudly. “That’s awesome.”

“Yeah and that time, they did it in Steve’s car? I made Steve to clean the whole car before I set a foot in it.” Peggy looked like the memory was still very alive by the way she scrunched her nose.

“What? Shut up. You completely overreacted, Peggy. It was just me and James not a pair of hobos with a skunk.” Natasha defended herself, laughing. If Peggy only knew they did it there more than just once.

“Might been as well,” Natasha heard Peggy mumbled under her breath and her face fell a little. She knew it was not aimed at her, but at the rumors about James, that surfaced in the last 6 months about his cheating. Natasha confronted him, asked around, even went through his phone, but found nothing so she just let it go. But Peggy, man, that girl had her eyes and ears on everything.

“Hey, enough! It’s my birthday, so let’s not wash my dirty laundry tonight,” Natasha pouted at them.

“Wait, that’s actually a great birth day game. Let’s all share embarrassing stories about Natasha!” Darcy jumped up and down, excited with her idea. Natasha was less enthusiastic. She did a lot of stupid stuff.

“Oh my God! Yes!” Pepper exclaimed, putting her slim arm around Natasha, “you are probably not gonna love this as much we will.”

Truth be told, Natasha actually did enjoy it. Yeah, it was embarrassing and Natasha had to explain a lot of things to Darcy, who had no idea about half the stuff.

Like the “Daddy” thing or the time she bought a 10 inch heels and new underwear and then tripped on his shirt and fell head first onto his crotch. It turned out the girls focused mainly on her awkward sexual stories. And Natasha was fine with that. After all it was her, who told them and she trusted Darcy enough to let her hear it all.

“Oh and yours and Buck’s first time? I swear God, that was gold,” Peggy burst out laughing and Pepper joined in, leaving confused Darcy and blushing Natasha.

“What happened?” Darcy nudged Natasha, her big eyes even bigger.

“Well,” Natasha started, but was cut off when Steve entered the house with loud “Did you miss me ladies?!” Clint, Sam and Tony right behind him. Natasha waited, looking forward to seeing Buck after all the stories she was reminded of. Maybe reminded a little bit of why she loved him, - last few weeks were a bit cold between them - but he was nowhere to be found.

“Where’s James?” Natasha looked at Steve, who stopped kissing Peggy immediately and looked at her nervously. What? Did he not expect her to notice her boyfriend was not there?

“He said he’ll be right over, just had to do something,” Steve shrugged.

Had to do what?

Natasha started to have sinking feeling. Like she wanted to throw up, but she didn’t drink that much and even if she did, she was not a throwing up kind of person.

Peggy, who looked like Natasha was feeling, immediately knew what she was thinking. All it took was one look from Natasha and she tugged at Steve’s arm, “where is he, Steve?”

Steve looked as confused as rest of the boys, except Tony, who was watching Natasha with the same intensity as Peggy.

“I don’t know, he said he’s home. I’m sure he’s gonna be here any minute, Nat.”

She was sure he would, but her gut was telling her something was not right. Her mind was working at all the possibilities, that could make him late.

Homework? Unlikely.

Cleaning? Laughable.

Something to do with her present? He was a great boyfriend, but doing something grand just because it was her 18th birthday was highly improbable.

Then there was this voice in the back of her mind, that she refused to listen to, but it was still there and it made Natasha angry. She wanted to prove to the voice that it was not right.

Peggy nodded at Natasha, who nodded back and they both got up.

“I’m driving,” Tony stood up as well, his car keys already in hand. Both her and Peggy were surprised he even knew what was going on, but Natasha lately found out Tony deserved much more credit, than she gave him

“C’mon guys, seriously?” Clint looked at Natasha, his eyes pleading her to stay.

“Peggy, don’t do something out if nothing, he probably just fell asleep and is late,” Steve put his hands on Peggy’s hips.

“Get out of my way, Steve,” she glared at him and without waiting for him to let her go, squirmed out of his hold and walked outside.

“Just wait here, guys,” Natasha flashed them all a smile and went after Peggy with Tony in tow.

The ride was silent. Peggy looked determined, while Tony was unusually cool about all this, only checking at her with the corner of his eye. He also sensed Natasha’s impatience and basically flew through the streets to Bucky’s house.

“Should we come with you?” Peggy asked, when Tony parked the car a few houses down from the Barnes’. Natasha just shook her head and got out of the car.

She was suddenly very aware of the cold air. She stormed out of the house in just a dress and sneakers she quickly put on. Everything in her told her to stop, turn around and go back home. To forget about this and simply let James lie to her and be happy. It was nothing more than her pride, that made her quietly open the doors with a key the Barnes’ had hidden under a pink gnome with a unicorn in his hands. She was there when Rebeca picked it.

The house was dark and the only light was coming from the living room. There was no identifiable loud sounds, but the closer Natasha was to the living room the more she was sure her world is going to crumble around her. The soft pants, groans she was so familiar with. Even the air so thick with the smell of sex.

She’ll never be able to unseen the way James’ teeth clenched as he thrusted into her. The way he hissed as she sinked his teeth into his shoulder. How she moaned James. How his eyes shot up to Natasha mid thrust, how quickly he pushed himself off the girl.

Yelena, of course.

“Tasha!” He exclaimed in almost a whisper. “Nat. I-I-I’ll explain this.”

Natasha wanted to rip the smugness right off her face, but instead she grabbed her shirt from the table and threw it at her.

“Get out,” she growled and Yelena knew better than to defy her, but she still expected him to defend her.

“Fuck off,” he said calmly. Finally she quickly put on some clothes and on her way out bumped into Natasha.

“Oh, next week as always, James?” She turned to him, but he made a few threatening steps toward her and suddenly she was gone. If Natasha didn’t know him so well, she’d probably ran off too, but she did know him.

He was standing so close to Natasha now, she had to tilt her head to look at him.

“Christ, put on some pants,” she shook her head in disgust.

“What? Getting distracted?” He looked up at her as he put on his grey sweats, smirking.

“Are you seriously being smug right now?” Natasha glared at him. The anger shaking with her whole body, still she bit her lip until she tasted iron. She was not gonna lose control.

“Look, Nat-”

“No, you look,” she exhaled with closed eyes. “Yelena? Really? Couldn’t you at least pick someone... I don’t know, someone who would not embarrass me.”

“Seriously, Tasha? This is what you wanna talk about? You don’t wanna know why?” He crossed his arms across his still bear chest. Shaking his head with a little smile.

Of course she did, but at the same she didn’t. She was scared to hear the reasons behind all this. What more, she didn’t want him to know that it hurt. It hurt so much her chest felt like being torn apart over and over again. She put her arms across her chest as well, trying to ease the pain. It was not helping.

“No, not really. I wanna know how long,” It was not much better question, but a lot safer for now. He looked left and right and Natasha was not sure if he was actually counting or just trying to make her even more miserable.

“Two months? Maybe a little longer. Once a week sometimes more,” he talked just as calmly as he looked and it drove her insane. Did he actually not care? Didn’t he love her anymore? Is that why he cheated?

“Have you ever fucked her and then fucked me?”

“Natasha, look, we haven’t had sex in-” He tried to change the subject, which meant he did. Natasha felt so disgusted, dirty and she wanted to throw up again.

“We haven’t had sex for two weeks. You are fucking her fro two months. If you are so fucking eager to tell me why, then tell me the truth. It’s not like it matters now,” she shrugged not missing the beat. She felt the anger leaving her body slowly and replacing it with numbness.

“It doesn’t matter?” He let his mask slip off, his hard features softening, the hurt in his eyes.

Good.

“No it does not. We are done anyway, so there’s so need to lie to me.” She watched him open his mouth and then close it again, confused.

“Okay then,” he put on his mask again. “She was just so putty in my hands, Natalia. So fucking eager to please me,” he started walking slowly toward her. “All I had to do was to smile to get her on her knees and God, did she loved being on her knees.” He stopped in front of her, cruel smile playing on his lips. He was enjoying this, but she could still see his eyes were watery, when he was this close. “Not that anything could compare to your mouth,” he used his thumb to brush her lower lip, chuckling. “I just couldn’t help myself. Doesn’t mean I don’t love you, kitten.”

“I don’t love you,” she answered, her voice laced with defeat.

“You know you do,” he let his thumb slide under her chin, he made her look up at him properly. Natasha opened her mouth slightly, letting him tilt his head closer to her before she spat in his face.

“I do, but you can bet your ass, I’m gonna ignore that until both you and the stupid feeling disappear.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally decided to post this. I wasn't sure which way to take the story, but here you go. As always I have to thanks to @Mushewhosta who is putting up with me.

Natasha watched his naked torso rise and fall steadily. His right hand under his head, while the other was laying on his stomach. He looked so calm. So innocent. So unlike how he looked like a few hours ago, when she picked him up from dirty apartment that smelled of vomit and cigarettes. With girl walking around in just her panties and yelling at her and Clint for taking him away. It was the same girl Natasha saw three days ago in the bar talking to him as Clint dragged her out.

He didn’t come home that night or the night after that. The only proof that he was not lying in a ditch somewhere, was one phone call to his mom, that he’s okay. No one heard from him for three days after that. And Natasha was scared. She would never ever let anyone know that though. Of course that meant people judged her, but it took more than a few gossips to break down Natasha Romanoff.

It took one Rebeca Barnes.

That day Natasha saw her fighting with some girl from her class, who was going around and talking shit about James. Rebeca was an angry teenager on her good day and worshipped Bucky as some Godly figure, so it wasn’t the first time something like that happened. Finding Beca outside her house.

Her eyes were red from crying, her mascara and eyeliner all smeared, but when Natasha talked to her, she seemed more angry than anything. Betrayed. She asked Natasha if she knew something and if she could try to call him. Rebeca knew what happened between her and James - Yelena was her classmate after all - and seemed to be  feeling genuinely bad for coming to Natasha for help. And that’s how this all this mess started. 

She tried to call him a few times, before Rebeca had to go home. He did not pick up once, but Natasha was determined. If not because of him, then for Rebeca and poor Mrs. Barnes. So she called again and again, sent messages from simple  _ where are you? are you okay?  _ to describing in explicit details, how she’s gonna skin him alive, when she finds him. But nothing. She felt like a total failure and what’s worse, it hurt. Natasha felt her heart breaking all over again. That was the main reason she did not want to get involved in the first place. Not because she did not care, but because she cared too much. She pictured him looking at those messages and enjoying how scared she was. That would probably be the preferable way to find him. Either way, Natasha swallowed her pride and sent her last attempt.  _ I miss you _ . To her surprise, not even 10 minutes later she got a text back with an address. At least it was still in Brooklyn. Actually not even 30 minutes from where he lived. So Natasha called Clint to go with her, and thank God for him. 

_ A very thin blonde opened the door, her tits practically in Natasha’s face and the smell of vomit and cigarettes hit Natasha like a truck. Her stomach rolled and she was forced to breath through her mouth. _

_ “What the fuck,” Clint heaved behind her as Natasha slipped past the girl inside the apartment, not minding the girl’s threats, that she’d call the police. It was filthy with clothes and bottles laying everywhere. The windows were shut with blankets covering them.There was nothing but a little kitchenette with a fridge, a convertible table, small TV and a mattress on the floor, where James was sitting, leaning against the wall. His skin was ashy, his hair greasy and his eyes empty. He was covered in layer of sweat, looking through Natasha, until she crouched down next to him and said his name. _

_ “Is he breathing?” Clint asked from behind her, obviously disturbed by this whole situation.  _

_ “Nat,” he squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again. “Are you here?” _

_ Jesus fuck. His lips were cracked and bloody. He didn’t even sound like him and it scared her. _

_ “Is it you? Nat...” He kept repeating her name, until his throat was too dry. _

_ “Leave him the fuck alone and get out! He’s fine!” The girl yelled at them, taking James’ face between her hands, when Clint shook her off of his arm. “Tell ‘em. Tell ‘em you are fine, baby.” His eyes snapped back to Natasha and it was all she needed to push the girl away from him and, with a little help from Clint, help him stand up.  He was like a rag doll, his head lolling from side to side and his arms dangling uselessly. The girl tried to grab Natasha’s arm, but Clint was faster and pushed her away from them, making her stumble and landing on the dirty mattress.  _

_ They found his shirt somewhere on the floor and got him into the car, where Clint gave him his hoodie, because he started shaking. _

_ “Where to?” Clint looked at her in the rearview mirror. She was sitting in the back seat with James, trying to keep herself from throwing up, because he smelled so bad. Natasha could not let him go home looking like this. There was no way Mrs. Barnes would survive this. Natasha herself had hard time keeping it together, but truth be told, she had no time to go over her feelings at that moment.  _

_ “My house,” she decided. Her dad was on a date and wouldn’t be home for couple of hours probably.  _

_ “You sure?” Clint raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t, but there was no better option. _

_ Clint help her get him up to her room and into her bed. Thankfully he was a little back to himself by then. Babbling nonsense and able to stand up on his own, so she let him take shower with Clint looking after him, while she changed the sheets and put his clothes in a washing machine. He was still dizzy and not very coherent, when he fell asleep. _

That’s how he ended up in her bed again. Naked. 

She had no idea what to do, or rather, what she will do, when he wakes up. She was used to this routine. She did it for Tony a few times, but this time she was panicking the whole time. She was not sure what to do, because she’d never seen him like this. She’s never seen him not in control and completely fucked. It scared her, because it made her realize, that he was not her James anymore. She was so used to know every little detail about him, but she had no idea who he was now. Where did he meet  _ her _ ? How long has he known her? What did he take? How? Why? She had so many questions and wanted answers to none of them. The only thing she was sure about was, that he did not inject anything. There were no spots anywhere on his body and even if it was a small victory, she felt relieved. 

 

\-----

 

She was woken up by a finger making small circle on her thigh and wet lips kissing her shoulder. 

“The fuck you doing?” She mumbled with her eyes still closed, when she rolled on her back. He growled when his lips lost contact with her skin.

“Just saying good morning.” The bastard was smiling.

“Y’know what would be a really good morning?” She asked, finally opening her eyes. He looked a little better. His skin had its usual colour and his eyes looked clearer. “If you’d tell me what the hell is wrong with you.”

He let out a long sigh and rested his forehead on her shoulder. “You know better than anyone, that there’s a lot.” He tried to play it off as a joke, kissing her arm in pathetic attempt to distract her.

“No I don’t, Buck. I don’t think I know you at all actually. You always had your problems, but this? Why the fuck would you do some-”

“Okay, okay I get it. I’m sorry, can we please move on?” He raised his head to look at her, obviously annoyed with her. And God, she never wanted to punch him so much.

“No, we cannot! Do you know how I found you yesterday?” She pushed him off of herself and perched on her elbow to look down at him. 

“Well, I wasn’t bombarding you with messages to get you there, was I? It was you, Tasha. You were the one who was so desperate to find me, because you missed me.” His voice was ice cold, but it was the condescending tone, he delivered the last sentence with, that really did it. It stabbed right where he wanted it to, like always. As if she was some stupid little girl in love chasing her crush and he was gracious enough to give her some of his attention.

“You think I missed you?” she scoffed at him. “You? I don’t even fucking know you! You think I would miss anyone who spent the last three days in their own vomit? Someone who couldn’t even shower without Clint? The only reason I ever gave a fuck was because-because…” 

“Because you still love me. I know you do and you know it too, so why the fuck can’t you just say it? Just say you love me and everything will be good, Nat.” He sounded so hopeful and it left her speechless. She was just staring at him, unable to grasp one coherent thought or form a sentence.

“Because I,” he cupped her cheek and she watched as he leaned closer to her, “I love you.” With that he pressed his lips firmly to hers, moving his hand into her hair and tightening his hold. And Natasha closed her eyes and let her lips move with his. Slowly, lazily with a soft humming sound escaping him as their tongues clashed. “I missed you. I missed you so much,” he mumbled between kisses as he slowly laid her down on the bed. And she let him, because for the first time in months she felt something other than anger and regret and sadness. She felt the heat of his body, felt him hard against her stomach, felt his skin under her fingertips and his ragged breathing, when he rocked his hips against hers. 

He took off her shirt and moved his lips to her throat. “You are so beautiful, Nat. So fucking perfect.”

And she believed him. Wanted to believe every word he said into her skin, but then everything came rushing down at once. All the times he said those words and then went and fucked someone else, all the lies he told her and all the things he didn’t. The fact that he spend three days with some girl high and probably fucking like rabbits…

“Stop.” She moved under him, but he kept kissing her and she couldn’t breath. The whole room started shaking around her and she started to panick. “Stop it. Stop it!” She pushed at his shoulder and he finally moved, sitting back on his heels. He looked so confused as he looked down at her. Natasha covered her face with both hands and tried to breath, tried to calm herself down.

“Nat! ‘Tasha, what is going on?” She heard defeat in his voice and she finally looked up at him.

“I can’t do this, Buck,” she sat up, putting her shirt back on. “I can’t just forget everything and… and pretend that… that everything will be okay.”

“Nat, c’mon,” he leaned closer to her, but she shuffled up the bed and further away from him. She needed a clear head. “I’m sorry, Natasha. Please just gimme one more chance and I swear-”

“No!” She yelled at him and he sat back, stunned. “Just go home. Apologize to your sister and your mom, Bucky. They don’t deserve this.”

Natasha felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, but this time she let herself cry. Let him see that it really was over.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly just a filler so it's a bit boring and I'm sorry <3

No one knew what happened that morning between them, not even Clint. But of course, everyone knew something happened when Natasha didn’t show up in school the day Bucky came home. Then Clint told Darcy _how_ he got home and Darcy told Pepper... So, when she actually showed up at school the next day looking like “the creepy chick from the well” as Clint put it, everyone knew something was up.

Natasha didn’t want to keep secrets from them, she actually was in desperate need to talk to someone, but she couldn’t stand the pitying looks as it was. Everyone seemed to be tiptoeing around her, afraid to even utter his name. And not just his. Every James in history was off the table apparently and Natasha started slowly isolating herself from everyone and blaming it on school.

That’s why on Friday night she was sitting on her rooftop alone.

She couldn’t believe it was actually over. For all those months there was always the possibility of them getting back together. She expected it and if the last conversation with James was any indication, he thought so too. But she also meant what she said; she didn’t know him anymore. She had no idea who he was and it was a sharp realization that the boy she loved simply didn’t exist anymore. The boy who used to plan the future with her on the same rooftop she was sitting on right now. Who used to make her laugh until her stomach hurt and who cried until he fell asleep in her arms.

“God,” she exhaled and closed her eyes. She felt tears forming in her eyes and she tried to force them back with the heels of her hands.

“You called me; my child?”

Natasha opened her eyes with a yelp just to see laughing Tony trying to get to her.

“You asshole! You scared the shit out of me!” She put her hand on her heart and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. The tears becoming an even bigger problem now.

Tony stopped a few steps from her and watched her curiously, chewing on his bottom lip like he was trying to stop himself from saying something and Natasha prayed he wouldn’t comment.

“What are you doing here?” Natasha asked almost defensively, but she just wanted to derail the attention from her.

Tony sat down next to her, clearly relieved the decision was made for him. “I wanted to call, but then I thought that would make it too easy for you to tell me to go fuck something.”

Natasha’s corner tugged involuntarily into a half smile and she could see Tony’s shoulders drop with relief.

“What makes you think it’s gonna be a bigger problem for me in person?”

“Because of this, of course.” Tony pointed at his face and then made this weird puppy eyes and Natasha hated that he was actually pulling it off.

“I’m listening.”

“Okay, hear me out. Me, you, Rhodey and a college bar.”

“Rhodey is in town?” She asked stupidly because of course he is in town if Tony was meeting him, she just couldn’t believe it. She hasn't seen Rhodey since he left for college a year ago. He and Natasha were not big friends, but she always liked him. There was never any drama with Rhodey. He was straightforward and charming and just easy to be around with.

“Yeah, but consider this: _I_ will be there.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna sta-”

“Also consider this: I’m paying.”

“Gimme 30 minutes.”

She noticed Tony smiling as stood up to get dressed. Who would have thought that Tony Stark would be the one person to make her feel normal again?

It wasn’t such a surprise when she thought about it.

* * *

 

Natasha noticed this wasn’t Tony’s first time here because the bouncer let him in with just a pat on the back and “have fun”. The inside wasn’t anything special from any other bar she’s seen with the exception that there was no one who looked more than 25.

Rhodey was already waiting for them by the bar and after exchanging hugs and kisses, they decided to stay right where they were. All the tables were either occupied or it had girls grinding against them and she was not about to catch an STD from a table.

The music wasn’t too loud, but loud enough for the three of them to almost be in a three-way kiss to hear themselves properly. Rhodey was trying to talk about MIT and how he couldn’t wait for Tony to join him next year, but Tony quickly dismissed that conversation.

“That’s all nice, but how about the girls there?” He changed the subject while eyeing a brunette with tits bigger than Natasha’s head.

Rhodey rolled his in Natasha’s direction, making her laugh before poking Tony’s chest. “Get it together, man. You said you’d be my wingman tonight.”

“Why not let redhead here to be your wingman?” Tony suggested.

Rhodey looked at her, raising an eyebrow in question and she couldn’t say no. If there was someone who deserved to get laid it was James Rhodes.

After picking some girls that caught his eye, Natasha got to work. The girls were usually super nice - complimenting her hair or her shoes - but most of them turned out to be drunker than they appeared and they had to retrieve. They even had to call two of them a taxi and Natasha had to hold hair to the one that got sick during their conversation.

After almost two and half hours later, when Natasha drank everything that was put in front of her and shot down every _bro_ with a snapback and awful pick up line, she noticed a very pretty blonde eyeing them.

“How about her?” She elbowed Rhodey lightly in the ribs and almost fell over.

Rhodey looked up, trying to see who she meant and when he finally found her, the girl smiled at him.

“Fuck! Don’t you know who that is?” He panicked, turning his head away from the girl and then turning his back to her.

“What the hell are you doing? She likes you!” Natasha didn’t understand. For the last two hours he was trying to get a girl and now one was interested and seemed sober and he chickened out?

“That’s Carol!” He yelped turning Natasha away from the girl as well before she could match the name to the face. “Carol Danvers! She was 2 years above me!” When Natasha was finally able to look at her again, she looked pretty amused with them. But like she thought they were cute. Either way, Natasha finally recalled who the girl was. Carol was basically ruling the school when Natasha was a freshman. Beautiful, smart, always nice and known for dragging you through the dirt if you were an asshole and apparently a big crush of one James Rhodes.

“So? You have your opening line,” Natasha gently took Rhodey by his shoulders and turned him around to face the blonde. “Now go get her, tiger.” With a gentle push and a pat on his ass, he finally started moving.

Natasha decided to stay and watch for a few moments, just to be sure it was fine. They greeted each other a little awkwardly, but then it seemed to go smoothly. Carol didn’t stop smiling even just for a second and Rhodey seemed to be working his charm just fine.

Deciding there was nothing more she could do, Natasha turned and went back to bar to find Tony before anyone noticed she was alone and decided she needed a company. Of course, Tony was nowhere to be found, but sitting at the bar was still her safest option.

“What do you want?” The bartender noticed her immediately even though there were people already waiting, but that’s the treatment Tony Stark gets you.

“Vodka,” she smiled and slid some tip across the bar to him. He smiled back pouring more than he was probably required.

With a word of thanks, Natasha turned on the stool to watch the swarm of dancing bodies, all of them pressed to one another, everyone touching everyone and everyone kissing everyone. It was weird just to sit and watch, but Natasha wondered if this is going to be her life next year.

“Fuck!” She heard someone yell before something cold spilled over and under her shirt.

“Son of a bitch!” She startled jumping to her feet and pulling the wet fabric away from her skin. “You fucking blind?!”

“Yes, actually,” came amused answer. Natasha opened her mouth to tell him to go fuck himself when she saw the dark shades on his eyes and a stick in his hand.

“Oh,” was the first thing that came out of her mouth because he was smiling down at her in a way that made her heart tug. “Still. You just ruined my favorite shirt.”

He chuckled and Natasha couldn't stop smiling. “How about I buy you drink or two.”

“My friend is already paying for my drinks.”

He leaned against the bar with an amused expression and reached his hand for her. Natasha took it without hesitation and sat back down on the stool next to him.

“Mmmm...Then I’ll just have to come up with something else. ” He gently squeezed her hand and she sucked in a breath. Judging by his knowing smile, he noticed. “I’m Matt, by the way.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments and kudos are appreciated and if you're on [Tumblr](bluepink-y.tumblr.com) come say hi :-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone, for leaving nice comments, it means a lot to me <3 And sorry for taking so freaking long

Natasha ran out of the house as quickly as she could. She was not about to listen to her dad fight with his girlfriend. Especially not after she had caught some random chick naked in their kitchen when she had been sneaking back into her room Saturday morning. 

God, she couldn’t wait to move to the city with Clint and see her father maybe twice a year. The closer summer, the more tired of his bullshit she was. 

“Nat!” She looked up to see Steve waving at her from his beat-up truck “Want a ride?”

She was not about to say no to ride to school since her car was still not fixed, but there was something fishy no matter how brightly he was smiling at her, or how his hair seemed to shine like a gold in the morning sun. Ugh.

“Well, hello there,” she climbed into the front seat, throwing her backpack behind her. “What do I owe the pleasure?” 

“I just figured we haven’t spent much time together lately.” He threw her a grin. “And, you know, I wanted to know if you did anything fun this weekend,” he said in kind of  _ wink, wink  _ way, that made her scoff.

“Oh, God. Did you and Tony paint each other nails over margaritas again?” 

When these two got together it was worse than two middle-aged women with nothing to do and Natasha did not mind, she’d tell Steve sooner or later anyway.

“It was whiskey,” he said in a high pitched voice, throwing non-existent strand of hair over his shoulder. “But to more important topics. What about your lawyer? How was it? Is there gonna be a date?”

“What?” Natasha raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Since when do you care?”

“Come on, Nat. I’m just-- you know...” He let the sentence hang in the air, gesticulating with his right hand like the reason might magically appear in front of him. He stopped smiling and Natasha noticed the bags under his eyes and made a quick check to see any visible bruises. There was definitely something fishy.

“Steve, what is going on?” She managed to keep the worry out of her voice, but her body was tensed, waiting for some awful blow. Which was completely stupid, there was no indication something awful has happened.

“Nothing! Nothing happened! It’s just-- Bucky...?” He stuttered out, leaving her even more stunned than before.

"Bucky?” She raised an eyebrow. This was the first time she was going to see him since their little... thing.  If he decides to finally show up in school, that is, but what the hell-- “Steve?” 

He was stubbornly looking on the road in front of him, chewing on his bottom lip. “Steve?!” She raised her voice to snap him out of it. They were almost at the school, and she wanted to get it out of him before anyone had the chance to interrupt them.

“Okay! I just-- he just--” He took a deep breath to help with his mumbling and calmed himself down again. “After me and Tony painted each other’s nails, me and Bucky kinda... braided each other’s hair...?”

“Oh my God.” Natasha slapped her forehead with such a force it actually stung a little. “And now you are doing what? Gathering information for your mani-pedi date?”

“Nooooo! Kinda-- Look he just asked if it was serious or whatever and I just--” 

“You are just helping your friend.” Natasha finished his sentence before he could. He was quiet, looking for something to say as he looked around the parking lot for a free space. Finding one right next to Clint’s truck. 

“Nat,” he put a hand on her thigh, when they finally stopped, “you are my friend too.” His eyes were sincere in a way only he could manage, but at that moment she did not care. She had enough let people hurt her and then act as if nothing happened.

“I know, Steve,” she put her hand over his, smiling that razor sharp smile that she knew made people nervous. “And as a friend, I’m telling you to stop fucking telling my personal business to that piece of shit asshole that cheated on me!” 

“Tasha! I didn’t mean to… he’s just- he’s heartbroken too.”

“He did it to himself, Steve! He did it to me! I’m the one who got her heart broken and still, I’m the one who went and got him from that shithole two weeks ago! So excuse me if I don’t particularly care about his broken heart.”

He slapped his hand away from her and got out of the car, slamming the door behind her loudly, which made half the people in the parking lot turn their heads to see what was happening.

She marched toward the main building, people getting out of her way quicker than usual, no one wanted to come face to face with Natasha on her bad day. Too late she realized she left her backpack in the back seat of Steve’s car, but she knew he would find her sooner or later to give it back and probably apologize.

She thought the anger would subside once she got further away from Steve, but then she saw  _ him _ . Leaning on the side of the building with Rumlow of all people and deep in conversation. Natasha really had to use everything she got not to walk up to him and give him a piece of her mind, especially if she could get Rumlow as well. That asshole had been talking too much lately.

“Nat!” Clint waved at her, catching even Bucky’s attention. His eyes met hers just as she turned around to look at Clint. She thought she was ready to face him, especially after she spent the night with Matt, but obviously not. 

Not long ago she couldn’t picture all her friends going to different cities for college, but lately, she couldn’t wait for it to be over. She wanted to get away from people that treated her as something broken, always reminding her of all the bad instead of letting her move on. And worst? She couldn’t wait to get away from Steve. If today has proved something, it is that she couldn’t trust him in a way she thought she could and that hurt. When a year ago he announced he and Peggy are going to study in the UK after high school, it was something unimaginable for Natasha. 

“Nat! Hey,” Clint ran to her and put a hand around her shoulder. 

“Since when are those two fuckers talking?” Natasha nodded toward Bucky and Rumlow. 

Clint looked over her shoulder and his brows furrowed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen them talk without one of them throwing a punch.”

Natasha laughed and let Clint lead her into the building. 

“So,” Clint started when they got to her locker, “heard you got into a fight with Rogers.”

“What? It happened like 5 minutes ago!”

“Yeah, Peter saw you and messaged Tony and Tony messaged me. Something about he probably shouldn’t go near you right now.” And Natasha laughed again, she’ll have to find Tony later. Or not, and let him buy her lunch before telling him she was not mad at him. 

“God, I really don’t wanna go to school,” she sighed, watching all the people looking at her as if she was a wounded animal. She was not in the mood to deal with any one of them.

“Same, but also we need to go or Coulson will give us one of his speeches again.”

 

 

 

Steve found her before the first period, giving her her backpack with an apology on his tongue, but Natasha did not want to listen to it or even think about it. She just nodded politely and left. Peggy was still nowhere to be seen, and according to Pepper, she was not feeling well.

The rest of the day went on too slow, except for her English literature where she could sit next to Darcy who was good enough distraction from Barnes sitting few rows behind her. She could feel his stare, heard him whisper with Sam who sat next to him. She couldn’t get out of that classroom fast enough.

At lunch, she decided to find Tony, who was chilling outside under a tree. Shades over his eyes, as always, but she knew he was looking at her. She smiled just to show him she was coming in peace.

“If you are here to kick my ass, I have to thank you for doing so away from everyone.” His shades slid down his nose with a move of his head and she could see his eyes.

“Now, why would I do that?” She sat down on the grass opposite him, smiling. “You were my prince in a limo Saturday morning. It’s Rogers who fucked up.”

“Is someone surprised?” He raised an eyebrow and Natasha threw a handful of grass at him, laughing. “Apparently he and Pegs are going through a rough patch... or something.”

“They are?” Natasha asked, unable to keep the shock from her voice. Why did neither of them say anything?

“Pepper heard them yell at each other the other day and when she asked what was going on, Peggy didn’t want to say anything. But apparently, she cried.” He answered as if it was nothing. As if it was normal for Peggy to cry, or for her and Steve to fight at all. She’ll try to go to her house after school.

“Eh, it’s probably nothing. They had to have a real fight sooner or later. You know Steve can be an idiot,” he shrugged.

“I guess,” she smiled, looking down at her fingers in the grass.

“Talking about assholes,” Tony said suddenly.

Natasha looked behind her to see James with Yelena. She was trying to put her arms around his neck and he kept pushing her away. Which she didn’t take seriously, giggling in a way that made Natasha’s hair stand. It still made her stomach turn seeing them anywhere near each other.

“Whatever you saw in him, Romanoff,” the distaste was very visible on Tony’s face. She never really understood why these two hated each other so much.

“Do you really wanna know?” She asked teasingly, making him smile.

“I’m tempted, but no.”

Natasha had to look back at them one last time. Had to know if Bucky had his arms around her or if they were kissing... 

Yelena somehow got her arms around his waist, his hands on her arms, trying to keep her from hugging him, but he was looking up at Natasha. He pushed Yelena away with rough “Fuck off” and walked right past her and to where Natasha and Tony were sitting.

Natasha’s head turned away from him, mumbling curses under her breath. She was not ready, she did not want to. Tony suddenly stood up, taking the shades off and put them into his jean pocket, so Natasha did the same. She stood up just as Bucky’s voice cut right through her.

“Nat. Can I talk to you?” Gone was the gentle, sleepy voice and its place took his usually cocky one.

Tony was watching her as she was trying to come up with an excuse. Her mind was blank his _I_ _still_ _love_ _you_ bouncing around in her head. His pale blue eyes hard as ever and make it all the worse for her.

“We were just leaving actually. How about you leave a message and she will come back to you,” Tony said.

“Why don’t you shut up Stark? I’m not talking to you,” James snapped immediately. Being it anyone else but Tony he might’ve reacted calmer. Or maybe not, who knew what had been going on in his head lately.

“Yeah, no,” Natasha finally found her voice. “We really should get going-”

“Nat, just--” he sighed and took a step closer to her, when she did not continue. He looked down at her, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Just don’t be mad at Steve, okay? It was my stupid idea and I made him do it. Really, he didn’t want to, but you know it’s hard to say no to my charm,” he gave her one of his signature smirks, the one that would normally make her smile. But right now she didn’t find it charming, she found it repulsive because he was using it to play her. It was not genuine.

“Just stay out of my business, Barnes,” she scoffed, finding the strength she lost all those months ago. “Stop dragging everyone into your messes and get over it.” _Over_ _me._

With that, she walked away, Tony in tow. “Yeah, we have a hot lawyer now, screw you!” Tony shouted at Barnes, who did not even try to say something back.

“Tony!” Natasha scolded him, she didn’t want to do this. Shoving Matt into Bucky’s face, she knew he had a lot of issues, problems and she didn’t want to make it harder. 

“What? He wanted to know.”

“Really? That  _ we _ have a hot lawyer?” She laughed and was surprised how easy it felt, how good. “Plus, it was only one night. I might never see him again.”

“Oh, please,” Tony laughed, “dude’s far too smart to let you slip away.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this like a month ago, but I feel like I'm losing my thread here even tho I know exactly how I want it to end and where to take it.


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